Category Archives: Poems

Poems wot I wrote

POEM: Oh, why don’t girls fall over me?

Posted on 8 July, 2011 by

Oh, why don’t girls fall over me? I asked meself today I’m almost-strong, almost-charming, almost-handsome Indeed, almost-perfect in every way So why don’t girls fall over me Left ‘n’ right ‘n’ every-which-way? It can’t possibly be my personality For that’s … Continue reading →

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POEM: I Have A Punk Milkwoman

Posted on 8 July, 2011 by

I have a punk milkwoman Her name is Bertha-Sue Alas, about delivering milk She hasn’t a bleeding clue! One day I shouted after her That I wanted pasteurized So she threw a bottle after me Right past my eyes But … Continue reading →

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With You

Posted on 29 March, 2009 by

With you A grassy bed A bright blue sky Overhead What do I Care For thistles    creepy-crawlies    herds of sheep    and peeping toms? With you Your auburn hair Dog-brown eyes Firm breasts (And the rest) I don’t even notice The … Continue reading →

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Oh, Your Top!

Posted on 8 February, 2009 by

Oh, your top makes Dolly Parton’s seem as flop as Bobby Charlton’s It’s a sweet duet It’s Somerset in spring It’s Yorkshire puddin’ It’s Christmas stuffin’ It’s Bob & Bing (When they sing) Oh, your top It’s a sure winner … Continue reading →

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The Futility of Philosphising

Posted on 30 January, 2009 by

What is Life? The Philosopher mused As he sat all alone In the wood. And is there a difference He went on to ponder Between what is Bad And what is Good? And as he sat there The sun overhead … Continue reading →

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The Eighth Rate Poet

Posted on 1 January, 2009 by

I am the eighth rate poet Doggerel’s what I write: Cliched, commonplace, rhyming verse; Humdrum, dull, and trite. Aye, if you want poetical rubbish That scans and rhymes, a bit You could find no better person Than me, to write … Continue reading →

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The Haggler

Posted on 24 December, 2008 by

The Devil sat on my shoulder And offered me all Bentilee From Willfield right down to Twigg Street Fenton fields, transmitter, and tree! Course! He wanted somethin’ for ‘em As anyone would, wouldn’t you? But He said my sould would … Continue reading →

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Dear Sis' (cough, cough)

Posted on 15 December, 2008 by

Dear Sis’, cough, cough I just thought I would sit down, cough, cough And write you this line, cough, cough Whilst, cough, cough I have some spare time, cough, cough As, cough, cough I’ve just been told, cough, cough To … Continue reading →

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Weep no more sad willow tree

Posted on 13 December, 2008 by

Weep no more sad willow tree Sky no more be blue Rain clouds change your dowdy grey For some brighter hue Let each flower become a rose Let rainbows fill the sky Widows put on your brightest clothes And let … Continue reading →

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The Puffin' Song (To the tune of Jingle Bells)

Posted on 12 December, 2008 by

Dashin’ through the snow Chasin’ my toupee O’er the hills I go Puffin’ all the way! Arms I madly swing Turning my face bright Oh, what fun it is to run And sing a running song tonight: Oh, puffin’ here, … Continue reading →

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