Pet Peeves I (from 1996)

Just a list of some of the things that get me
jumping up and down in impotent rage.

Job Hunting:– Don’t mention Job Hunting. I haven’t had a ‘proper job’ since 19smegging80. Yes, I’ve done everying except ‘get on my bike’ because I had to sell my bike (a motorbike) cause I couldn’t afford it anymore. I’ve done all the traditional things like going to nightclass to get a few qualifcations. I got math,  I got English (yeah, I know, you can’t tell),  I learnt to type,  I  learnt to word-processor,  I got practical computing certificates coming out of my blummin ears, and now I’m two-thirds the way through a degree but all I got was “you’re over-qualified”, or “no experience”.   I’ve been on four Job Clubs, sending out around two thousand smegging, ff-ing, bloody! spec’ letters and only got……Employment Training schemes, which offer training but no bleeding employment.

I’ve done casual work and voluntary work (like the Job Centre posters suggested I do) and all I got was extra forms to fill in every signing-on day. So DON’T DON’T DON’T EVER mention Job Hunting.

The Song “Is that all there is?”:- “Is that all there is to love?”, “Is that all there is to fire?”, “Is that all there is to this?”, “Is that all there is to that?”, and just when you finally scream “WELL WHY DON’T YOU SMEGGING KILL YOURSELF THEN YOU DEPRESSING BITCH!!!?”, she says, “I know what you’re thinking, ‘If she feels like that why doesn’t she just end it all?’ Well, I’m not ready for that final disappointment cause I know…….”Is that all there is to Death?”” NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO NOooooooooooooooooo! i give up. 😦

Women in Computer Rooms:- There you are in a computer room at uni’ and it’s full of men e-mailing each other or surfing the net for games software, or pictures, or sports info or anything else not remotely connected with their courses, and in comes a woman, and what does she do? She sits down. Puts her armful of books next to the computer. Fires up a word-processor, or spreadsheet, or programming language. And sits there. Working.

Oooooooo, look at me, I’m busy working.
And when they’ve finished what do they do? They leave. Whilst the rest of us surf towards our 3rds, or 2:2s. Women.

Plus:

I type “Bentilee” in a search engine and it finds some guy in Trentham but not me.

Having to waste precious surfing time at uni’ on writing programs.

My wonderful week’s holiday in Skegness was only a week.

I finally find Stephen Fry’s home page on the web and he’s not at home.

I find a nice US sitcom hidden away at 9:30 in the morning and a week later it’s finished.

You have to exercise to get the body of an Arnie.

I’m John Steele and the most interesting thing I’ve done is publish a community magazine with a circulation of 50 to 125, read a poem on the local radio to publicise it, and nobody’s ever come up to me and said “Aren’t you the Bent’ Ed’? Did you write those excellent Mortimer & Mears scripts?”.

You have to write a novel to have written a novel.

No long-legged, long-haired, enthusiastic young women with wobbly chests have ever, ever thrown themselves at me and begged to have my children.

I’ve got a wobblier chest than the women who do show an interest.

Life.
(Don’t talk to me about life.)

___________
©John Steele, 1996, 2001, 2008
My first Pet Peeves rant, written for my personal page on The Bentilean Archive website.

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This entry was posted in Humour, Rants & Pet Peeves, Web Stuff and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Pet Peeves I (from 1996)

  1. callmeh says:

    marvin… I’m so depressed brain the size of a planet and they have me writing here..lol

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