POEM: I Have A Punk Milkwoman

I have a punk milkwoman
Her name is Bertha-Sue
Alas, about delivering milk
She hasn’t a bleeding clue!

One day I shouted after her
That I wanted pasteurized
So she threw a bottle after me
Right past my eyes

But still, she has her hidden depths
That others rarely see
But which I discovered one day
When she revealed herself to me

It was over a low-fat yoghurt
In me little kitchenette
Whilst she was toting up in her book
How much I was in her debt

I was sitting there entranced by her beauty
And her windswept, carelsss pose
And the artistry of her make-up
And the chain, dangling from her nose

I was so overcome by rapture
And the ecstacy of pure bliss
That I pulled the chain towards me
And gave her a passionate kiss

And that’s when she revealed her modesty
‘Cause her cheeks immediately blushed
At least, I think that’s what happened
She may have simply flushed

But then, eschewing all caution
She pulled me to the door
And dragged me up to me bedroom
Where she revealed an awful lot more!

From there our romance quickly blossomed
To the extent that, next Saturday
We’re being married at St. Stephen’s-in-the-Willow
In the church, at quarter to three

And yes, you’re invited to the wedding
To see me say “I Do”
But please, come a little early
‘Cause the christening’s at half-past two.


Copyright John Steele 2011
I’d completely forgotten about this one, when I stumbled across it last night (looking for something else that I didn’t find, of course). Can’t remember exactly when I wrote it but as it was typewritten, I’m guessing it was the 1980s or early ’90’s at the latest. Evidently still in ‘trying to emulate Pam Ayres’ mode at the time. And I’m sorry, but I still love the ‘see it coming a mile off’ joke in verse two.

This entry was posted in Humour, Poems, Unpublished Works and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s