Why did the cow cross the road?
A: Because the farmer drove her.
How did the German U-boat captain cross the road?
A: He used the subway, of course!
Why did the ravenous lion cross the road?
A: Because he saw the zebra crossing.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
A: Because the chicken was fowl company.
Why did the mountaineer cross the road?
A: Because it was there.
How did the snail cross the road?
A: Very, very slowly.
Why did’t the dolphin cross the road?
A: He couldn’t see any porpoise in it.
Why did the Roman Catholic priest cross the road?
A: To exorcise the demon drivers.
Why did Bobby Ewing cross the road?
A: He didn’t, it was all a dream.
Why did the refrigerator salesman cross the road?
A: Smeg knows.
Why did the frog cross the road?
A: He was toad to.
Why did the medium cross the road?
A: To reach the other side.
Why did the illiterate road painter cross the road?
A: Because he couldn’t sign his name.
Copyright John Steele, 1990, 2011
Two or so of these were used as fillers in my self-published community magazine, The Bentilean, Issue 2, December 1990, which is why I can vaguely remember when I wrote them. I have updated a couple of them here as the originals were a bit un-PC. The “illiterate road painter” was, I admit, originally “Irish” (sorry about that), and the “refrigerator salesman” one was originally “Why did the woman cross the road? A: Who knows”, which I thought was a bit un-PC but also thought that the punchline would be stronger if it was “A: Fuck knows”. And then I thought that some might find that offensive and so changed it to “A: Smeg knows” and that led me to think ‘I could replace “woman” with “refrigerator salesman” — voila! a politically correct version that’s not noticeably less funny that the original version.
I also wrote another one, “Why did the marijuana addict cross the road? A: Because someone told him it was a short cut”, but as someone’s who’s too boring to have ever taken drugs, I have no idea if that joke even makes sense, so didn’t include it above.