Category Archives: Poems

Poems wot I wrote

POEM: Oh, why don’t girls fall over me?

Oh, why don’t girls fall over me? I asked meself today I’m almost-strong, almost-charming, almost-handsome Indeed, almost-perfect in every way So why don’t girls fall over me Left ‘n’ right ‘n’ every-which-way? It can’t possibly be my personality For that’s … Continue reading

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POEM: I Have A Punk Milkwoman

I have a punk milkwoman Her name is Bertha-Sue Alas, about delivering milk She hasn’t a bleeding clue! One day I shouted after her That I wanted pasteurized So she threw a bottle after me Right past my eyes But … Continue reading

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With You

With you A grassy bed A bright blue sky Overhead What do I Care For thistles    creepy-crawlies    herds of sheep    and peeping toms? With you Your auburn hair Dog-brown eyes Firm breasts (And the rest) I don’t even notice The … Continue reading

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Oh, Your Top!

Oh, your top makes Dolly Parton’s seem as flop as Bobby Charlton’s It’s a sweet duet It’s Somerset in spring It’s Yorkshire puddin’ It’s Christmas stuffin’ It’s Bob & Bing (When they sing) Oh, your top It’s a sure winner … Continue reading

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The Futility of Philosphising

What is Life? The Philosopher mused As he sat all alone In the wood. And is there a difference He went on to ponder Between what is Bad And what is Good? And as he sat there The sun overhead … Continue reading

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The Eighth Rate Poet

I am the eighth rate poet Doggerel’s what I write: Cliched, commonplace, rhyming verse; Humdrum, dull, and trite. Aye, if you want poetical rubbish That scans and rhymes, a bit You could find no better person Than me, to write … Continue reading

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The Haggler

The Devil sat on my shoulder And offered me all Bentilee From Willfield right down to Twigg Street Fenton fields, transmitter, and tree! Course! He wanted somethin’ for ’em As anyone would, wouldn’t you? But He said my sould would … Continue reading

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